For Your Viewing Pleasure...

A couple of weeks ago, David, Campbell, and I headed to Nashville for a quick mini-vacation. (I need to get a post together about this. Maybe next week!) Anyway, we ran over to the Opry Mills Mall for dinner and ice cream. While David was getting our ice cream, Campbell spotted this floating fish balloon and, well...she thought it was awesome. 

We Can Do Hard Things

Edited to add: This post was originally written on April 10th, 2012.

Source

I saw this quote awhile back...probably while I was wasting precious time on Pinterest. It really spoke to me then. I would say that I've always been the type that's easily discouraged. I like to do things well, and quickly. When I run up against a snag, unfortunately, my gut reaction is to quit. That is a character trait that I do not want to pass on to our sweet little girl. After seeing this quote, I mentally tucked the words into my heart and mind, ready to share them with Campbell when she's trying to do something difficult. Like pull up on her crib. Like get herself into a crawling position. To remind her that the things that are hard are very often the things most worth working for.
Today, I did a hard thing. Somehow, in ways my brain can't understand, everything has worked out, and that should come as no surprise to me.
Today, I quit my job. I quit my job in order to be home with my sweet Campbell girl. The prayer that I have prayed every.single.day since the moment she was born has been answered. I was never one of those women who planned on staying home with my baby. A long time ago, during one of those serious discussions you have before you get married, I distinctly remember telling David that I wanted to keep a job if we ever had kids. I think he was a little disappointed, because his mom stayed home with him and his brother, and I think he wanted that for our (then purely hypothetical) kids. And then, on June 10th of 2011, I looked into the most gorgeous pair of deep blue eyes I'd ever seen, and I thought, "Oh, no. I can't leave this precious child with someone else while I go to work." On that day, everything seemed to snap into focus. Priorities shifted in mighty ways. The things that were once important suddenly seemed embarassingly trivial. That very day I began praying that God would show us a way for me to stay home with her. I believed wholeheartedly that it would come to pass, but of course, I wanted it in my time. I just knew He'd show us before I went back from maternity leave. But September 1st came, and I dropped off my baby girl with a perfect stranger while I went back to work and tried to keep it together. I kept praying, and knew I'd get my "Christmas miracle." Christmas came and went, and on January 3rd, I dropped her off again while I headed to the office. And then, sometime during late January and February, hailstones started to fall. It started to look like there might be a possibility that I could stay at home with Campbell. When we crunched the numbers, they weren't exactly right. I started exploring the option of just teaching part-time, and it looked like that could work. We took a huge leap of faith, and today, I quit my job. A few hours ago, I didn't know if a position teaching on an adjunct basis would be available to me. But now, it looks like it might be. Numerous friends have told me to just stand back and let God work. That's really hard for me to do, but I did it.
So...as of May 15th, I will stay at home with my sweet baby girl during the week, and a few weekends a semester, I will go impart some Human Services and Counseling knowledge to eager minds. I am beyond excited to be able to be home with Campbell. I will take her to story hour at the library. I will see her first steps. I will kiss every boo-boo. I will watch her laugh as the wind blows through her hair while I plant flowers in our unruly flowerbeds. I will weed the very large garden my brother-in-law and his girlfriend planted this weekend. I will get my house in order. I will be present for my daughter.
In December, I was talking with one of my best friends about my struggle with working full-time and being a good mom. I told her that I knew God would make a way for me to stay home and give Campbell the attention that she deserves from her mommy. I told her that there were three words that I would shout from the rooftops when it happened. And now, since I live in the country and only about 5 people would hear them  if I did, in fact, shout from my rooftop, I'll say them on the Internet for the world to see: GOD DID THIS. He is good...all the time.

10 Months!

Oh, I'm so far behind. Her 10 month birthday was nearly a month ago! Oops.

Sleeping Patterns: Campbell is still sleeping really well...generally all the way through the night. My girl has historically not been a great napper, at least for me. But this month, that's seemed to be changing some. A few days this week when I was home with her, she took 3 hour naps. THREE HOURS!

Eating Habits: She's still having solids three times per day and nursing about 5 times. Our girl loves to eat. Her little rolls don't lie.

New Foods: So far, there is no food that this girl won't eat. Some of the highlights this month have been tomatoes, blackberries, yogurt, and ribs. We had ribs for Easter, and she loved gnawing on them. She loved even more to rub them in her hair.

New Discoveries: Sometime this month, she discovered that if she hits two things together, they make noise. This is an experiment that takes place numerous times over the course of a day, and neither of us ever gets tired of it. Sometimes I'll pick up two toys and bang them together, and she smiles, takes them from me, and does the same. My heart melts. I am amazed at how quickly she's learning and growing!

Accomplishments: Campbell rolled from her back to her belly...on my birthday! What a great birthday present. I'm finding that when I think of the times that I've felt most proud of myself, it pales in comparison to the pride I see when she meets a milestone. I couldn't imagine that I could be prouder of her if she won the Nobel Peace Prize. Everything she does makes me a proud mama. (Check back with me when she's about two to see if that's still the case.)

Special Friends: Campbell met the Easter Bunny twice in one day! I was certain that she would be terrified of him, but she wasn't fazed at all.

Baby Babbles: This month, Campbell has started saying nah-nah-nah. Adorable, of course.

9 Months!

I'm very, very behind on Campbell's 9 month post...but I guess it's better late than never, huh? Unfortunately, I wrote down very little in her baby book, so I don't remember a whole lot about my baby girl's 9th month of life. But I do know that it was full of love, giggles, and fun times...and that's what's important!

Sleeping Patterns: After about 3 months of waking up once or twice a night, Campbell is back to sleeping through the night. I am one happy momma about this fact! She wakes up every now and then, but usually it's just because she's lost her pacifier. David generally goes in to give it back to her, and she falls right back asleep. She's no trouble at all to get to sleep, which is definitely a blessing.

Eating Habits: Campbell is eating solids three times a day, and still nurses about 5 or 6 times. When we're home together, she nurses when she wakes up (around 6 or 7), at around 10:30, then at 2 or 3, then again at 5:30, and finally once before bedtime (about 7:45). If she nurses a sixth time, it's in the middle of the night...and those are pretty few and far between nowadays.

New Foods: She's started eating Cheerios, and the little puffs (which seem to me to be the equivalent of potato chips for babies, but I guess in moderation it's not too bad). She also loves fresh pineapple, but we've discovered that the acidity gives her a rash on her bottom, so she doesn't eat it too often.

Accomplishments: Campbell finally rolled from her belly to her back! David and I were both with her, playing, and all of a sudden she rolled right over. You would have thought we'd won the lottery, with as much noise as we made. She gave us a look like, "What? That? Oh, it was no big deal."

Baby Babbles: No new babbles this month. She's still saying da-da-da all the time, which is adorable. She loves to giggle, and her little belly laughs are absolutely the most wonderful thing I've ever heard. I think I'd do just about anything if I thought it would make her giggle.

8 Months!

If I had a nickel for every time I thought about writing Campbell's 8 month post, I could be a stay at home mom! It's just that when I've thought about writing it, I've never been able to do it...I was either in the shower, driving down the road, or doing something else at the moment. We all know that my memory is about a minute long, so when I had the time to write this post, I never remembered to. Anyway, Sunday afternoon, my sister said, "I haven't seen an 8 month post on your blog yet!" I figured I'd better get busy. The unfortunate thing is that I haven't done a very good job of keeping up with what's been going on with Campbell. This might be pretty short.

Sleeping Patterns: Before Christmas, Campbell was sleeping like a champ, all night long. Now, I can count on at least one wake up during the night, sometimes two. I don't really mind waking up with her; it's usually a simple routine, but one that takes about 30-45 minutes: snuggle, nurse, snuggle/rock, put her back in bed. The only thing I do mind is when she chooses to wake up at around 4am. That means the routine is finished is sometime between 4:30am and 4:45am...and my alarm goes off at 5am. Those mornings pretty much suck. I have noticed that since Campbell has started waking up more at night, that I'm much more tired. I was just thinking the other day that the fatigue of those newborn days of multiple wakings and high needs has nothing on the fatigue I feel now. But I know that this is just a season in life, and sometime, I'll get more sleep.

Eating Habits: Our girl really enjoys eating! She's eating breakfast and lunch (in addition to breastmilk) at the sitter, and we have her sit at the table with us during the evening for supper. Because I'm not sure that she's getting a lot of finger foods at the sitter's that's what we concentrate on at dinner. She has definitely figured out the association between her high chair and food! Not too long ago, I sat her in her high chair with me in the kitchen so I could get a few things done, and she let me know in no uncertain terms that she expected food on that tray, not toys! She's still nursing about 6 times a day in addition to her solids and the main reason for so many nursings is the nighttime waking.

New Foods: Once again, I've done a horrible job of keeping up with the new foods that Campbell has tried. We give her a little bit of everything that we eat at dinner, and she has never refused to try anything. She's still a little wary of green veggies, but always comes back to them on her tray. We did discover this month that the child loves red bell peppers! She's had them raw and cooked, and prefers them raw. She's learned that she can rake the flesh of the peppers along her bottom two teeth, and she is very purposeful about it! She's also had green beans, mashed potatoes, and a variety of other things that I just can't think of right now.

New Discoveries: This is where I've really fallen down on the record-keeping. This month I did notice that when eating, Campbell is obviously choosing what to pick up from her tray. It's so fun to see her determination to pick up a chunk of fruit, or to chase a green bean around her tray. Sometimes I find myself wanting to "rescue" her and hand her the food she's after, but I know that she's learning an important skill and I don't want to interfere! I've noticed that she's also become really adept at passing objects back and forth between her hands, and she's great at getting her pacifier into her mouth!

Her Accomplishments: I'm not sure if this is technically an accomplishment, but Campbell's first two teeth came in this month! In fact, less than 24 hours after she turned 7 months old, I felt the first tooth breaking through the skin! She didn't seem to have a terrible time with teething, but there were definitely a few loooooong nights when she was cutting those teeth. She's learning how to use them, but luckily, she hasn't practiced on me yet! Last month, I mentioned that it seemed like she's started giving kisses. Now, there's no doubt about it, she is definitely giving kisses! They're wet, messy, sloppy, kisses, but they're my favorite kind! She's a little aggressive with the kissing...she grabs our faces with both hands and leans in for those slobbery, openmouthed kisses. What a sweetie!

Places She Went: Honestly, I have no idea. I don't really think that we went anywhere or did anything too exciting. Family and friends, if I'm leaving something out, let me know!

Special Friends: I don't think Campbell made any special friends this month...things must've been slow around here!

Baby Babbles: She's still very consistent with the dah-dah-dah. She's also learned to whisper, which is absolutely adorable! She'll go from yelling dah-dah-dah to whispering it, and when I whisper back at her, she just cracks up.

February Photo A Day Project: Days 11 - 20

I'm still having fun with the February Photo a Day Project...and I can't believe I haven't missed a day yet! Here's what the second ten days have brought:

Day 11: Makes me happy (weekend snuggles with Campbell and David)




Day 12: Inside my closet




Day 13: Blue (my favorite sweatshirt, a handmedown from my husband)




Day 14: Heart (one of my favorite necklaces)



Day 15: Phone (my work phone)

Day 16: Something new (our new reclining couch)

Day 17: Time (It's quittin' time!)

Day 18: Drink (a strong cup of decaf after dinner with my inlaws)

Day 19: Something I hate to do (leaving my girl at the sitter's)

Day 20: Handwriting (the menu for the week)

Two Years

Two years ago today, David and I learned that we'd lost our first baby. There are still really very few days that go by that I don't think about that baby. I used to wonder what that child would have been like and who he or she would have looked like. Now, when I think about that child, I immediately think..."but we wouldn't have Campbell." I firmly believe that God is in every detail of our lives, and I believe wholeheartedly that Campbell was absolutely meant to be our first child here on earth. She has been an incredible blessing, and she's brought so much healing to my heart after our loss.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't be so acutely aware of February 25th (the day we found out that I'd miscarried) or September 18th (my due date), but those days were important turning points for me, and I've decided that I'll probably always mark them somehow. It may not always be in a public forum, but I'll always set aside a little time on those dates to remember that tiny life that taught me so much.
This poem was a part of the Louisville Walk to Remember promotional material that was sent out last October, and I thought it was a perfect way to remember our sweet little one today:

Still -

Heart from

My heart,

Body

From mine -

Dream:

Never awakening,

Held safely

In the cells

Of my body

In the light

Of my soul:

I feel you

Still little one,

Missing yet

Ever here.

--David Hiram Weller