For Your Viewing Pleasure...

A couple of weeks ago, David, Campbell, and I headed to Nashville for a quick mini-vacation. (I need to get a post together about this. Maybe next week!) Anyway, we ran over to the Opry Mills Mall for dinner and ice cream. While David was getting our ice cream, Campbell spotted this floating fish balloon and, well...she thought it was awesome. 

We Can Do Hard Things

Edited to add: This post was originally written on April 10th, 2012.

Source

I saw this quote awhile back...probably while I was wasting precious time on Pinterest. It really spoke to me then. I would say that I've always been the type that's easily discouraged. I like to do things well, and quickly. When I run up against a snag, unfortunately, my gut reaction is to quit. That is a character trait that I do not want to pass on to our sweet little girl. After seeing this quote, I mentally tucked the words into my heart and mind, ready to share them with Campbell when she's trying to do something difficult. Like pull up on her crib. Like get herself into a crawling position. To remind her that the things that are hard are very often the things most worth working for.
Today, I did a hard thing. Somehow, in ways my brain can't understand, everything has worked out, and that should come as no surprise to me.
Today, I quit my job. I quit my job in order to be home with my sweet Campbell girl. The prayer that I have prayed every.single.day since the moment she was born has been answered. I was never one of those women who planned on staying home with my baby. A long time ago, during one of those serious discussions you have before you get married, I distinctly remember telling David that I wanted to keep a job if we ever had kids. I think he was a little disappointed, because his mom stayed home with him and his brother, and I think he wanted that for our (then purely hypothetical) kids. And then, on June 10th of 2011, I looked into the most gorgeous pair of deep blue eyes I'd ever seen, and I thought, "Oh, no. I can't leave this precious child with someone else while I go to work." On that day, everything seemed to snap into focus. Priorities shifted in mighty ways. The things that were once important suddenly seemed embarassingly trivial. That very day I began praying that God would show us a way for me to stay home with her. I believed wholeheartedly that it would come to pass, but of course, I wanted it in my time. I just knew He'd show us before I went back from maternity leave. But September 1st came, and I dropped off my baby girl with a perfect stranger while I went back to work and tried to keep it together. I kept praying, and knew I'd get my "Christmas miracle." Christmas came and went, and on January 3rd, I dropped her off again while I headed to the office. And then, sometime during late January and February, hailstones started to fall. It started to look like there might be a possibility that I could stay at home with Campbell. When we crunched the numbers, they weren't exactly right. I started exploring the option of just teaching part-time, and it looked like that could work. We took a huge leap of faith, and today, I quit my job. A few hours ago, I didn't know if a position teaching on an adjunct basis would be available to me. But now, it looks like it might be. Numerous friends have told me to just stand back and let God work. That's really hard for me to do, but I did it.
So...as of May 15th, I will stay at home with my sweet baby girl during the week, and a few weekends a semester, I will go impart some Human Services and Counseling knowledge to eager minds. I am beyond excited to be able to be home with Campbell. I will take her to story hour at the library. I will see her first steps. I will kiss every boo-boo. I will watch her laugh as the wind blows through her hair while I plant flowers in our unruly flowerbeds. I will weed the very large garden my brother-in-law and his girlfriend planted this weekend. I will get my house in order. I will be present for my daughter.
In December, I was talking with one of my best friends about my struggle with working full-time and being a good mom. I told her that I knew God would make a way for me to stay home and give Campbell the attention that she deserves from her mommy. I told her that there were three words that I would shout from the rooftops when it happened. And now, since I live in the country and only about 5 people would hear them  if I did, in fact, shout from my rooftop, I'll say them on the Internet for the world to see: GOD DID THIS. He is good...all the time.

Five Months!

Miss Campbell is now five months old! I feel like I say this every time, but I can't get over how fast she's growing, learning, and developing. It's seriously amazing. It seems like every day she's doing something new. It's so exciting to be her mom! :)

Campbell Adair

Five Months

19lbs., 1oz and 26 1/4" long

Sleep: Campbell is ready for bed by 8pm pretty much every night. We've got a good routine going now. She gets a good bath and hairwashing every other night. On alternate nights she just kind of gets a wipe down. I don't want to dry her skin out. After bathtime or the wipe down, she gets her "sleepy lotion" which is the Johnson & Johnson bedtime lotion. (That stuff is amazing!) Then, either David or I read Campbell her bedtime story. After storytime, Campbell and I settle into the glider for one last nursing session before bed. She usually falls asleep while I'm nursing her, then once she's good and asleep, I transfer her to the Pack 'N Play. Yes, she's been in the Pack 'N Play in our room since we brought her home from the hospital. But tonight, we've put her in her crib. I know it'll be harder on me than her. I am fully aware that it's completely irrational, but I feel horrible about putting her in the crib tonight.

Eating Habits: Campbell is still exclusively breastfed. She's still eating about every 2 1/2 to 3 hours. I'm still nursing her at Ms. Gayle's right before I leave, then I go feed her at lunchtime. In addition to those feedings, she generally takes about 8 ounces while I'm gone.
I'm struggling with deciding whether or not I should offer her some rice cereal. I know that babies really only need breastmilk for their first 6 months, but she's beginning to show an interest in our food. Tonight, as David and I were eating pizza, every time I would bring my slice of pizza to my mouth. Campbell leaned forward with her mouth open. I think the little girl is letting me know that she's ready for more. I really am interested in doing baby-led weaning, where you skip the purees and mashed up stuff altogether and move straight to finger foods. I have a book on order from Amazon, and it should be here Monday. I'm looking forward to reading through it, and maybe it will help me to decide on the cereal thing.

New Discoveries: She's now able to touch the floor from her jumperoo, so she's in heaven. She'll jump for 20 or 30 minutes. She doesn't really play with the toys on the jumperoo as much as she just enjoys the jumping. She's got to have strong legs!

Accomplishments: Last month, her favorite thing was to be pulled to sitting. This month, she's decided that sitting isn't enough...after she's pulled to sitting, she wants to be pulled to standing. She's also blowing raspberries all the time, and she's giving us laughs much  more regularly.

Places She's Gone: Campbell went on her first hayride and experienced her first bonfire this month! We had a great time, and you can see pictures of that adventure here.

New Friends: Campbell has one new friend this month...Carson Chrystine Dailey! Our friends, Jason and Carrie, welcomed their third little girl into the world at the end of October, and last weekend, Campbell got to meet her. I know they'll have tons of fun playing together in the future!

New Babbles: Campbell seems like she "talks" in fits and starts. A few weeks ago, she was babbling nonstop. Just tonight David I were commenting on the fact that she hasn't been talking quite as much lately. Instead, she's been blowing raspberries. I wonder if it's because the blowing raspberries is a new skill, and she's just fascinated by it? Maybe once the new wears off of it, she'll go back to talking more.

Campbell's First Bonfire

Even though it's officially fall, it seems that Mother Nature hasn't gotten the memo...in Kentucky at least. We've had a string of unseasonably warm days this November. On Sunday afternoon, Campbell and I headed to Mom and Chet's house after church for a family bonfire. Poor David had to miss out because a guy was coming to pick up the bull. Boo!

We generally spend Sunday afternoons with Mom, Chet, my sister Allison, and my brother-in-law Larry. Mom and Chet fix lunch for us, and then we laze around for the afternoon. We're usually watching TV (football this time of year), playing on our iPhones, or looking at Facebook. We chit chat the whole time, but we've always got something electronic in front of us. This past Sunday it was so nice to be outside enjoying God's magnificent creation...and each other's company. Here are some pictures from a (practically) perfect bonfire!

Me and Campbell on our way up to the picnic site. I still call it a hayride, even though there's no hay in sight. Campbell doesn't know the difference!  

 Aunt Allison, Uncle Larry, and my parents' dog, Lucy.

 Not long after we got to the picnic site, Mom and Campbell took off for a little adventure along the edge of the woods. They played pat-a-cake and I'm pretty sure Mom told her what a good little girl I always was. :)

 Campbell is so lucky to have such a wonderful Granny!

 They look like they're having a good time, don't they?

 Allison and Larry went on a 4-wheeler ride around the farm. Allison loves driving the 4-wheeler. Poor Larry had more than a littel cow manure on his clothes when they got back.

 Campbell enjoyed spending time with Pop Pop...even though she had to be in just the right humor.

 Campbell and Aunt Allison had lots of fun, too. And Aunt Allison got her first diaper-changing experience.

 Campbell was so sleepy for the first part of the bonfire, but just wouldn't take a nap. There was way too much excitement going on for that! I was finally able to nurse her to sleep and she got a nice little nap. The sun was in her face, but I used a handy-dandy paper plate as a sun shade.

 And what bonfire is complete without s'mores?! Uncle Larry has perfected his technique and made some beautiful s'mores.

And as much as these two played in the fire, it's a wonder they didn't pee the bed that night!

Two Months!

I'm a few days late with the two month post, but we've had other things that needed to get done (eating, playing, sleeping, etc.) first! It's so hard to believe that little Miss Priss is already two months old! Isn't she the cutest?
We've had a really good month. I'd say that in the time frame from 1 month to 2 months, we've settled into a pretty good routine. I think that now, I feel like I've got a pretty good handle on things and don't feel clueless nearly as much. I think David would disagree with me, but I don't think I'm as hypervigilant about everything as I was a month ago. Yes, I still check numerous times a day to make sure she's breathing, but I think that's pretty normal.
I'm amazed at how much Campbell has changed over the last month. She's so much more alert and active now, and she's really beginning to truly interact with us. She can smile socially now, and she coos like crazy! She says "ah-goo" and "oooh" and a few other sounds, too. When I hold an object about 6-8 inches above her and move it from side to side, she can follow it 180 degrees. When someone is holding her and she sees someone else in the room, she will follow them with her eyes. She holds her head up great, and doesn't like it if she can't see what's going on around her. She also able to put her hands together and get her hands in her mouth purposely. Finger chewing is one of her favorite passtimes! One of her favorite toys is her Baby Einstein floor gym. She loves that thing, and as I type this, she's very nearly worked her way in a circle around the mat by kicking her feet (and chewing her fingers the whole time). What a busy little girl!
She's growing like a weed! At her 2 month appointment, she weighed in at 12 lbs, 12 oz and was 24 1/4" long! What a big, big girl! I was dreading that appointment because I knew she'd be getting 2 shots and an oral vaccine. It wasn't just her reaction to the shots I was dreading, but also the possibility of fever afterwards. She did cry for a bit after the shots, but I nursed her as soon as they were done, and she calmed down quickly. She got two pink camoflage band-aids for her bravery. :) And, the best part of all was that she never ran a fever or got fussy. She's such a trooper! Now we don't have to go back to the doctor for 2 months, which will be nice.
It seems like every week I put away more and more clothes because they've gotten too little. Just this morning, I tried a few 6 month outfits on her to see how long it would be until they fit. Um...they fit NOW! Yikes! I really didn't think she'd be in them so soon! She's now wearing a size 2 diaper, and has been for several weeks. Saturday night we went to a surprise party for our friend Jessi, and when I was nursing Campbell in Jessi's daughter Olivia's room, I saw her diaper stacker. Olivia, who is nearly 2 is just wearing a size 3 diaper. I nearly had a heart attack when I saw that. I mentioned it to Jessi and another friend, and they reassured me that all of their girls wore a size 3 diaper for a really long time. Let's hope so!
The only other news of note, I guess, is that I go back to work in about 2 1/2 weeks. I'm dreading it. Absolutely dreading it. We've found a private sitter for Campbell, and I feel good about having her stay with Miss Gail (who came to us highly recommended by several people), but it's hard. This whole idea of having her stay with someone who's not family is kind of strange to both David and I. David's mom stayed home from work after he was born, and my grandparents watched my sister and I when my parents were at work. We don't expect any of our parents to stay home and watch Campbell full-time, because she's our responsibility. I would just really like to be able to be with her. This may sound horrible, and before I say it, let me say that I love Campbell more than absolutely anything in the world. She is simply amazing, and I would never trade her for anything. But sometimes I find myself thinking that we shouldn't have had kids unless one of us could stay at home with her all the time. I know kids have gone to sitters for ages and ages and turn out fine, but I really feel like the best situation would be for me to be at home with her. I just want to protect her and make sure she gets the best care possible, and it's hard for me to think that someone else can do that. Unfortunately, that's not possible for us right now, so I'm going to try to make the best of it.
Right now, our days consist of eating, playing, sleeping, and trying to get a few things done around the house. It's been a big adjustment to not be able to get any job done from start to finish in one fell swoop, but I'm getting used to it. The house isn't as neat and tidy as it was BC (Before Campbell), but we manage. The way I see it, the dishes, the dust, and the laundry will be around forever, but I only have these 12 weeks with her one time, so that's were I'm going to focus my attention. So off I go to play with my sweet girl while the laundry lays around in the baskets!

A Borrowed Prayer for My Daughter

About once every two weeks or so, I come up with some kind of brilliant plan to either improve my parenting (which usually fails) or simplify baby care (which also usually fails). Earlier in the week, I decided that I would go back to trying to nurse Campbell in the bed during the middle of the night, rather than getting her out of the Pack 'N Play, tiptoeing into her room, getting the My Brest Friend on, nursing her, then tiptoeing back to our room and depositing her back into the Pack 'N Play. Before we put her to bed that night, I put the Boppy by our bed (which I hate as a nursing pillow, by the way) and went to sleep thinking that the middle of the night feeding would go super-smoothly. At about 2am, Campbell woke up hungry, so I nursed her back to sleep and laid her back in the Pack 'N Play. As I mentally high-fived myself for an easy nighttime feeding, I heard it. The unmistakable gurgling of one of her super-poops. Once I knew she was done, I undid the incredibly noisy velcro of her swaddle wrap, which woke her up completely. Bright eyed and bushy tailed, she looked and me and gave me a gummy grin. While those grins melt my heart, they're not exactly what I want to see at 2:40am. As I unsnapped her onesie and removed her diaper, I realized that not only had the poop gone up her back and through her onesie, but also through the swaddle wrap and her sheets. Yuck. I'd been defeated by the poop and had no choice but to wake up David to help me. I just couldn't change the sheets and her by myself. He was super-groggy, but I really just needed him to be awake enough to not roll over her or let her fall off the bed as I laid her in our bed long enough to change her sheets. Once I'd changed the sheets on her bed and reswaddled her, I settled in to nurse her to sleep again. I was pretty well exhausted, but as I looked at her, I thought, "There is absolutely nothing else I'd rather be doing." I was just overcome with love for that sweet little girl who relies on David and me for everything. The love I felt for her then is just something I can't really describe. I'm so very thankful to have her in my life, and I can't imagine anything being more fulfilling than being her mom.
That very early morning adventure reminded me of something I'd read while I was pregnant. It's Tina Fey's "A Prayer for My Daughter," from her book Bossypants. It's irreverent and offbeat, and even though it's got some foul language, I agree with every word of it. Here it is:

"First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie the Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful, but not Damaged, for it's the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach's eye, not the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered, may she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half and stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her when crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called "Hell Drop", "Tower of Torture", or "The Death Spiral Rock 'N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith," and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes and not have to wear high heels. What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I'm asking You, because if I knew, I'd be doing it, Dammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of Her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need not lie with Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen. Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, for childhood is short - a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day - and Adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever, that she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers and the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, for I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50am., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back. "My mother did this for me once," she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby's neck. "My mother did this for me." And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I'll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes. Amen."

One Month!

Our little girl is already a month old...and I just can't believe it. I was just telling David the other night that it's so hard to believe that she's only been here for a month. It just doesn't seem possible, because in a lot of ways, I feel like I've known her forever! I often wonder what life was about before she came. I've been looking at the pictures from the day she was born, and it's amazing how much she's already changed! Here's what she looks like at one month:
What a cutie! I know I'm more than a little biased, but I just think she's a gorgeous, precious, perfect little girl. I couldn't have asked for anything more. I know that God tailor-made her for David and I. She's a good sleeper, a good eater, and a laid-back baby with a wonderful temperament. Sure, she has her fussy times, but don't we all? (I know I do!) I've learned so much over the last month!
* There must be some truth to that whole maternal instinct thing. As a person who didn't have much experience with babies, I've found that a lot of "mothering" comes naturally.
* I will probably never be on time for much of anything again for quite some time...and I'm okay with that.
* I can do a lot more with one hand than I ever thought possible.
* It's incredible just how much poop can come out of one tiny person!
* I'm still in amazement that the milk my body makes is all the nourishment this sweet little girl needs...and she seems to be thriving!
* Things I thought I'd be self-conscious about don't really bother me, because I know it's what my baby needs. (Nursing in public is a prominent example here.)
* Help from family and friends can make all the difference in the world!
* David is the baby whisperer! If I can't get Campbell to sleep, he can. If I can't get her to burp, he can. And he's a great diaper changer!
* Flexibility is one of the most important things to embrace when you have a baby.
* Campbell really likes to be held and carried over your shoulder.
* I know Campbell is my daughter. She loves to eat, loves to sleep, and is a little impatient!
* A real smile from her can make all the stress of the day completely worth it!

On Saturday afternoon, David and I took Miss Campbell to get her one month pictures taken. What an adventure that was! As with most things, she was a really good sport, tolerating clothes changes, flashing lights, and being moved around a lot...but when she was done, she let us know! We got some adorable pictures and had a really tough time choosing which ones to buy. Here's a sneak peek at some of her pictures:

Such a sweet face! I'm so glad we got a few with her bright eyes open!

I love this one. The photographer said, "She just needs a little pair of sunglasses!"

I think she looks quite a bit like I did in some of my baby pictures in this pose.

Operation Stealth Swaddle

I may be taking a huge risk in saying this, but our little girl is a champion sleeper. I'd heard horror stories about babies who refuse to sleep, so I was trying to mentally prepare myself for getting up about every hour and a half or so with her every night. We were very surprised and pleased, though, when she turned out to love her sleep as much as her Mommy does! As all newborns do, she slept pretty much constantly in her first week or two of life; I had to regularly wake her up for feedings, which was no easy task. But what amazed us as much as anything was the fact that the kiddo could sleep through her incredible startle reflex. We'd have her laying in her cradle or the Pack 'N Play, and the poor child would jump out of her skin...but she'd never wake up. When we brought her home from the hospital, we put her in her swaddle wrap at night, but after seeing her sleep through the startle reflex during the day, we decided that we'd leave off the swaddle wrap and just put her to bed in her sleep sack. Big mistake. Huge. She got used to being out of the swaddle wrap and hated being put in it. Then, at about 2 1/2 weeks, she started to wake up during her startles, and my poor little girl just looked terrified every time. And she would only get about 20 minutes of sleep at a time. The only time she could sleep without waking up from the startle was if someone was holding her (because she wouldn't tolerate the swaddle wrap). So...I found myself dozing on the couch for several nights with her sleeping on my chest. She slept like a champ, of course, but I didn't get much sleep at all because I was terrified that she'd smother. After a couple of nights, I knew we couldn't keep on doing that. I was frazzled and just didn't know what to do to help my little girl get some good sleep. At the end of my rope, I took her in her room, we laid down on a blanket on the floor, and we prayed. I asked for wisdom in how to help her sleep in a way that let me sleep so that I could be a good mom to her. I felt so much better after that conversation with God, and about 30 minutes later, it came to me...swaddle her while she's asleep! That afternoon, when it was time for a nap, I rocked her to sleep, then once she was asleep, put her in the swaddle. Success! We did the same thing that night, and those 3 1/2 hours of uninterrupted sleep in my own bed were amazing. So now, we swaddle before every nap and before bedtime. When we started, she had to be sleeping pretty heavily. Now, I can put her in the swaddle wrap when she's still drowsy, but not completely asleep, and it makes for a much happier Mommy, Daddy, and baby. And the best thing is, the swaddle doesn't even have to be great. See?
That's what's known as the "ugly swaddle." You can see that we didin't quite get the bottom tucked in, and the wrap isn't quite high enough around her shoulders, but it doesn't matter. It gets the job done. But this kiddo can break out of any swaddle you put her in, whether it's the ugly swaddle, or a really good swaddle. Here's the evidence:

That was one of my best swaddles...and she broke out of it in no time. But for some reason, if she can get to sleep in it, even if one or both of her arms come out, the startle reflex doesn't bother her. David and I just crack up at her Houdini tricks. We call her the Swaddle Buster. And she always puts her arm(s) up like that when she breaks out. If you listen to Dave Ramsey's talk show, you've heard the clip he plays when people call in to tell him that they're debt free. I think it's a clip from Braveheart, and it's Mel Gibson yelling "FREEDOM"! We think that's what's going on in Campbell's mind when she gets out of the swaddle.

It's my understanding that the startle reflex lasts until 4-6 months. Our swaddle wrap only holds up to a 14lb. baby, and I know we can't use it once she starts to roll over. I'm hoping that she grows out of the startle reflex before then!