Babies Don't Keep

I have exactly nine days left until I go back to work. Nine more short days where my only task is to be a mother to my baby girl. In nine days, I have to give over at least 40 hours a week of her life over to another person's care. I may have the opportunity to do some work from home, but even then, I will be distracted from caring for her. So, for the next nine days, this is my mantra:

Babies Don't Keep

Ruth Hulburt Hamilton

Mother, O Mother, come shake out your cloth,

Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,

Hang out the washing, make up the bed,

Sew on a button and butter the bread.

Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?

She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I've grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue,

Lullabye, rockabye, lullabye loo.

Dishes are waiting and bills are past due,

Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo.

The shopping's not done and there's nothing for stew,

And out in the yard there's a hullabaloo.

But I'm playing Kanga, and this is my Roo.

Look! Aren't her eyes the most wonderful hue?

Lullabye, rockabye, lullabye loo.

The cleaning and scrubbing can wait 'till tomorrow

But children grow up, as I've learned from my sorrow.

So quiet down, cobwebs! Dust, go to sleep!

I'm rocking my baby, and babies don't keep.

Two Months!

I'm a few days late with the two month post, but we've had other things that needed to get done (eating, playing, sleeping, etc.) first! It's so hard to believe that little Miss Priss is already two months old! Isn't she the cutest?
We've had a really good month. I'd say that in the time frame from 1 month to 2 months, we've settled into a pretty good routine. I think that now, I feel like I've got a pretty good handle on things and don't feel clueless nearly as much. I think David would disagree with me, but I don't think I'm as hypervigilant about everything as I was a month ago. Yes, I still check numerous times a day to make sure she's breathing, but I think that's pretty normal.
I'm amazed at how much Campbell has changed over the last month. She's so much more alert and active now, and she's really beginning to truly interact with us. She can smile socially now, and she coos like crazy! She says "ah-goo" and "oooh" and a few other sounds, too. When I hold an object about 6-8 inches above her and move it from side to side, she can follow it 180 degrees. When someone is holding her and she sees someone else in the room, she will follow them with her eyes. She holds her head up great, and doesn't like it if she can't see what's going on around her. She also able to put her hands together and get her hands in her mouth purposely. Finger chewing is one of her favorite passtimes! One of her favorite toys is her Baby Einstein floor gym. She loves that thing, and as I type this, she's very nearly worked her way in a circle around the mat by kicking her feet (and chewing her fingers the whole time). What a busy little girl!
She's growing like a weed! At her 2 month appointment, she weighed in at 12 lbs, 12 oz and was 24 1/4" long! What a big, big girl! I was dreading that appointment because I knew she'd be getting 2 shots and an oral vaccine. It wasn't just her reaction to the shots I was dreading, but also the possibility of fever afterwards. She did cry for a bit after the shots, but I nursed her as soon as they were done, and she calmed down quickly. She got two pink camoflage band-aids for her bravery. :) And, the best part of all was that she never ran a fever or got fussy. She's such a trooper! Now we don't have to go back to the doctor for 2 months, which will be nice.
It seems like every week I put away more and more clothes because they've gotten too little. Just this morning, I tried a few 6 month outfits on her to see how long it would be until they fit. Um...they fit NOW! Yikes! I really didn't think she'd be in them so soon! She's now wearing a size 2 diaper, and has been for several weeks. Saturday night we went to a surprise party for our friend Jessi, and when I was nursing Campbell in Jessi's daughter Olivia's room, I saw her diaper stacker. Olivia, who is nearly 2 is just wearing a size 3 diaper. I nearly had a heart attack when I saw that. I mentioned it to Jessi and another friend, and they reassured me that all of their girls wore a size 3 diaper for a really long time. Let's hope so!
The only other news of note, I guess, is that I go back to work in about 2 1/2 weeks. I'm dreading it. Absolutely dreading it. We've found a private sitter for Campbell, and I feel good about having her stay with Miss Gail (who came to us highly recommended by several people), but it's hard. This whole idea of having her stay with someone who's not family is kind of strange to both David and I. David's mom stayed home from work after he was born, and my grandparents watched my sister and I when my parents were at work. We don't expect any of our parents to stay home and watch Campbell full-time, because she's our responsibility. I would just really like to be able to be with her. This may sound horrible, and before I say it, let me say that I love Campbell more than absolutely anything in the world. She is simply amazing, and I would never trade her for anything. But sometimes I find myself thinking that we shouldn't have had kids unless one of us could stay at home with her all the time. I know kids have gone to sitters for ages and ages and turn out fine, but I really feel like the best situation would be for me to be at home with her. I just want to protect her and make sure she gets the best care possible, and it's hard for me to think that someone else can do that. Unfortunately, that's not possible for us right now, so I'm going to try to make the best of it.
Right now, our days consist of eating, playing, sleeping, and trying to get a few things done around the house. It's been a big adjustment to not be able to get any job done from start to finish in one fell swoop, but I'm getting used to it. The house isn't as neat and tidy as it was BC (Before Campbell), but we manage. The way I see it, the dishes, the dust, and the laundry will be around forever, but I only have these 12 weeks with her one time, so that's were I'm going to focus my attention. So off I go to play with my sweet girl while the laundry lays around in the baskets!

A Borrowed Prayer for My Daughter

About once every two weeks or so, I come up with some kind of brilliant plan to either improve my parenting (which usually fails) or simplify baby care (which also usually fails). Earlier in the week, I decided that I would go back to trying to nurse Campbell in the bed during the middle of the night, rather than getting her out of the Pack 'N Play, tiptoeing into her room, getting the My Brest Friend on, nursing her, then tiptoeing back to our room and depositing her back into the Pack 'N Play. Before we put her to bed that night, I put the Boppy by our bed (which I hate as a nursing pillow, by the way) and went to sleep thinking that the middle of the night feeding would go super-smoothly. At about 2am, Campbell woke up hungry, so I nursed her back to sleep and laid her back in the Pack 'N Play. As I mentally high-fived myself for an easy nighttime feeding, I heard it. The unmistakable gurgling of one of her super-poops. Once I knew she was done, I undid the incredibly noisy velcro of her swaddle wrap, which woke her up completely. Bright eyed and bushy tailed, she looked and me and gave me a gummy grin. While those grins melt my heart, they're not exactly what I want to see at 2:40am. As I unsnapped her onesie and removed her diaper, I realized that not only had the poop gone up her back and through her onesie, but also through the swaddle wrap and her sheets. Yuck. I'd been defeated by the poop and had no choice but to wake up David to help me. I just couldn't change the sheets and her by myself. He was super-groggy, but I really just needed him to be awake enough to not roll over her or let her fall off the bed as I laid her in our bed long enough to change her sheets. Once I'd changed the sheets on her bed and reswaddled her, I settled in to nurse her to sleep again. I was pretty well exhausted, but as I looked at her, I thought, "There is absolutely nothing else I'd rather be doing." I was just overcome with love for that sweet little girl who relies on David and me for everything. The love I felt for her then is just something I can't really describe. I'm so very thankful to have her in my life, and I can't imagine anything being more fulfilling than being her mom.
That very early morning adventure reminded me of something I'd read while I was pregnant. It's Tina Fey's "A Prayer for My Daughter," from her book Bossypants. It's irreverent and offbeat, and even though it's got some foul language, I agree with every word of it. Here it is:

"First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie the Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful, but not Damaged, for it's the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach's eye, not the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered, may she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half and stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her when crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called "Hell Drop", "Tower of Torture", or "The Death Spiral Rock 'N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith," and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes and not have to wear high heels. What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I'm asking You, because if I knew, I'd be doing it, Dammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of Her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need not lie with Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen. Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, for childhood is short - a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day - and Adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever, that she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers and the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, for I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50am., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back. "My mother did this for me once," she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby's neck. "My mother did this for me." And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I'll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes. Amen."

One Month!

Our little girl is already a month old...and I just can't believe it. I was just telling David the other night that it's so hard to believe that she's only been here for a month. It just doesn't seem possible, because in a lot of ways, I feel like I've known her forever! I often wonder what life was about before she came. I've been looking at the pictures from the day she was born, and it's amazing how much she's already changed! Here's what she looks like at one month:
What a cutie! I know I'm more than a little biased, but I just think she's a gorgeous, precious, perfect little girl. I couldn't have asked for anything more. I know that God tailor-made her for David and I. She's a good sleeper, a good eater, and a laid-back baby with a wonderful temperament. Sure, she has her fussy times, but don't we all? (I know I do!) I've learned so much over the last month!
* There must be some truth to that whole maternal instinct thing. As a person who didn't have much experience with babies, I've found that a lot of "mothering" comes naturally.
* I will probably never be on time for much of anything again for quite some time...and I'm okay with that.
* I can do a lot more with one hand than I ever thought possible.
* It's incredible just how much poop can come out of one tiny person!
* I'm still in amazement that the milk my body makes is all the nourishment this sweet little girl needs...and she seems to be thriving!
* Things I thought I'd be self-conscious about don't really bother me, because I know it's what my baby needs. (Nursing in public is a prominent example here.)
* Help from family and friends can make all the difference in the world!
* David is the baby whisperer! If I can't get Campbell to sleep, he can. If I can't get her to burp, he can. And he's a great diaper changer!
* Flexibility is one of the most important things to embrace when you have a baby.
* Campbell really likes to be held and carried over your shoulder.
* I know Campbell is my daughter. She loves to eat, loves to sleep, and is a little impatient!
* A real smile from her can make all the stress of the day completely worth it!

On Saturday afternoon, David and I took Miss Campbell to get her one month pictures taken. What an adventure that was! As with most things, she was a really good sport, tolerating clothes changes, flashing lights, and being moved around a lot...but when she was done, she let us know! We got some adorable pictures and had a really tough time choosing which ones to buy. Here's a sneak peek at some of her pictures:

Such a sweet face! I'm so glad we got a few with her bright eyes open!

I love this one. The photographer said, "She just needs a little pair of sunglasses!"

I think she looks quite a bit like I did in some of my baby pictures in this pose.

Operation Stealth Swaddle

I may be taking a huge risk in saying this, but our little girl is a champion sleeper. I'd heard horror stories about babies who refuse to sleep, so I was trying to mentally prepare myself for getting up about every hour and a half or so with her every night. We were very surprised and pleased, though, when she turned out to love her sleep as much as her Mommy does! As all newborns do, she slept pretty much constantly in her first week or two of life; I had to regularly wake her up for feedings, which was no easy task. But what amazed us as much as anything was the fact that the kiddo could sleep through her incredible startle reflex. We'd have her laying in her cradle or the Pack 'N Play, and the poor child would jump out of her skin...but she'd never wake up. When we brought her home from the hospital, we put her in her swaddle wrap at night, but after seeing her sleep through the startle reflex during the day, we decided that we'd leave off the swaddle wrap and just put her to bed in her sleep sack. Big mistake. Huge. She got used to being out of the swaddle wrap and hated being put in it. Then, at about 2 1/2 weeks, she started to wake up during her startles, and my poor little girl just looked terrified every time. And she would only get about 20 minutes of sleep at a time. The only time she could sleep without waking up from the startle was if someone was holding her (because she wouldn't tolerate the swaddle wrap). So...I found myself dozing on the couch for several nights with her sleeping on my chest. She slept like a champ, of course, but I didn't get much sleep at all because I was terrified that she'd smother. After a couple of nights, I knew we couldn't keep on doing that. I was frazzled and just didn't know what to do to help my little girl get some good sleep. At the end of my rope, I took her in her room, we laid down on a blanket on the floor, and we prayed. I asked for wisdom in how to help her sleep in a way that let me sleep so that I could be a good mom to her. I felt so much better after that conversation with God, and about 30 minutes later, it came to me...swaddle her while she's asleep! That afternoon, when it was time for a nap, I rocked her to sleep, then once she was asleep, put her in the swaddle. Success! We did the same thing that night, and those 3 1/2 hours of uninterrupted sleep in my own bed were amazing. So now, we swaddle before every nap and before bedtime. When we started, she had to be sleeping pretty heavily. Now, I can put her in the swaddle wrap when she's still drowsy, but not completely asleep, and it makes for a much happier Mommy, Daddy, and baby. And the best thing is, the swaddle doesn't even have to be great. See?
That's what's known as the "ugly swaddle." You can see that we didin't quite get the bottom tucked in, and the wrap isn't quite high enough around her shoulders, but it doesn't matter. It gets the job done. But this kiddo can break out of any swaddle you put her in, whether it's the ugly swaddle, or a really good swaddle. Here's the evidence:

That was one of my best swaddles...and she broke out of it in no time. But for some reason, if she can get to sleep in it, even if one or both of her arms come out, the startle reflex doesn't bother her. David and I just crack up at her Houdini tricks. We call her the Swaddle Buster. And she always puts her arm(s) up like that when she breaks out. If you listen to Dave Ramsey's talk show, you've heard the clip he plays when people call in to tell him that they're debt free. I think it's a clip from Braveheart, and it's Mel Gibson yelling "FREEDOM"! We think that's what's going on in Campbell's mind when she gets out of the swaddle.

It's my understanding that the startle reflex lasts until 4-6 months. Our swaddle wrap only holds up to a 14lb. baby, and I know we can't use it once she starts to roll over. I'm hoping that she grows out of the startle reflex before then!

Our Birth Plan

When I posted Campbell's birth story, I mentioned that I'd include our birth plan. I kind of forgot about doing that, but something reminded me of it today. We didn't get everything we outlined in our birth plan, but I expected it to not go 100% according to plan. I also have to say that I didn't come up with this plan by myself. The majority of it was from a birth plan that Angela, our Empowered Birth instructor, provided to us in class. I did make a few changes and asked Angela to look over them beforehand. Ultimately, this was the birth plan that Dr. Basham signed and we submitted to the hospital before and after my admission.

O. Family Birth Preferences

We would like to make the following requests to help our birth be as natural and personal as possible, assuming a normal, healthy labor and delivery. We understand that the unexpected might require certain medical interventions that may affect some or all of our requests. If that should happen, we ask that any problems be explained and our quesitons answered, so that we can give our informed consent.

Primary OB/GYN: J. Khristen Basham, M.D./ Heath Brown, M.D. (East End OB/GYN)

Patient/Mother: Erin O.

Attendants: David O. (Husband/Father); Cathy L. (Erin's mother)

First Stage of Labor:

• 
  
  Once admitted tot he hospital, we would like a heparine or saline lock. We prefer to stay hydrated by drinking clear fluids instead of an IV for as long as possible. (Dr. Basham amended the birth plan to say that I could not have fluids by mouth during labor...that was the only change she made.)


• 
  
  As long as baby and mom are doing fine, we'd like to request intermittent, rather than continuous fetal monitoring. Maintaining mobility (walking, rocking, up to bathroom, etc.) will be essential to coping with the labor without pain medication.


• 
  
  Please do not offer pain medications. We plan on using a variety of alternative techniques, including squatting, use of a birth ball, warm shower, relaxation, freedom of movement, and others as needed. We will request pain medication should it become necessary.


• 
  
  If possible, we would like to be assigned a nurse who enjoys working with women who desire to have a natural, unmedicated childbirth.

Second Stage of Labor:

• 
  
  We would like the pushing stage to be allowed to progress free of stringent time limits, as long as there are no serious concerns. We would like to wait to push until Erin feels the urge to do so.


• 
  
  Episiotomy: We would like to discuss the options before an incision is made, and we would appreciate assistance with pushing so that the perineum can stretch.


• 
  
  We would like a squatting/birth bar available if possible.

Third Stage of Labor:

• 
  
  We would like to delay clamping of the umbilical cord until it stops pulsating.


• 
  
  We prefer that the baby be given to us immediately after birth, putting of any procedures that aren't urgent.


• 
  
  We would like to try breastfeeding within the first hour after birth, and plan to breastfeed exclusively. No other supplements (bottles, pacifiers, etc.) should be given.

Baby Care:

• 
  
  We prefer minimal separation of mother and baby. We would like baby to "room in" with us 24/7, with baby only taken to the nursery when absolutely necessary.


• 
  
  If the baby must be taken away to receive medical treatment, one of us would like to accompany the baby at all times.

Physician Approval:

An Adventure

I can't believe my little girl is two weeks old! (Actually, she's two weeks and one day old now!) Yesterday was David's birthday, and I hadn't gotten him a gift yet, so I decided that Campbell and I would take a trip out into the big, wide world. I needed to take back our little boy outfits, too, so I had planned that we'd go to Babies R Us, Kohl's and the Oxmoor Mall to Motherhood Maternity to get some nursing bras...all of those stores are within just a couple of miles from each other, but they're about 40 minutes from our house. I remember thinking (before Campbell was here) "How hard could it be to go shopping with a baby?" HA! I know now!
I started getting us ready at about 8am yesterday morning, beginning with Campbell's bath. She is such a good baby. Baths don't phase her a bit...I can even usually get several smiles out of her during them (whether or not they're real smiles I'm not sure, but I love them just the same!). I nursed her after her bath while she was bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, then laid her down to nap while I got my shower. I've learned that showers are no longer a leisurely event...I'm usually in a mad rush to get through them, because I'm terrified that she'll either stop breathing or cry while I'm in there. I don't think I've shaved my legs since my Mom went home after our first week, because it just takes too long. Anyway, after I got my shower and got myself ready, I packed up the diaper bag (packing several changes of clothes with me), made sure I had all of my receipts, and nursed Campbell again so she'd be happy and content for the car ride. Usually she'll go 2 or 3 hours between feedings, so we left the house at a little around 11am. We got to Babies R Us around noon, and Miss Campbell had a meltdown in the parking lot. I got her carseat from the car into a shopping cart when I realized that I'd left my return items in the car. I went back to get them and she started squalling! (I'm guessing she gets her lack of patience from me.) A very nice young mother with a little girl (probably about 6 months old) had pulled in right next to us, and she offered to help me get all of my things gathered up...what a help she was! After we got everything together, I couldn't get Campbell to calm down with all of the usual tricks (sucking on my finger, singing the two lullabyes I can remember from my childhood, etc.) so I decided to abandon the mission momentarily to feed her again. So we unloaded everything back into the car, and I climbed into the back seat to nurse her. Luckily I had remembered to throw My Brest Friend into the car with us, so I put on the pillow and the nursing cover and she got some lunch. After her belly was full, we didn't have much trouble in Babies R Us, but we sure didn't waste any time getting our business taken care of there. I returned our little boy outfits and picked up a manual breast pump for nights like last week with Miss Campbell decides to sleep for a 5 hour stretch and can't be woken up. After the meltdown at BRU, and the fact that I was sweating like crazy (I have noticed since having her that I am burning up all.the.time), I decided that we'd nix the trip to Motherhood Maternity (I've gotten by 2 weeks without a nursing bra...surely I can get by for another week or two without them) and go to the Kohl's that's closer to our house.
When we got to Kohl's I drug the stroller out of the trunk and worked for a few minutes to get the thing open. I definitely should have practiced at home before we left! I got her car seat situated in the stroller and on the way into the store Campbell let loose one of her already famous poops. We went straight to the bathroom, where, wouldn't you know it...it was closed for cleaning. She was quickly becoming Miss Cranky Pants (and I can't blame her, with a dirty diaper, a Mom who had no clue what she was doing, and being carted around the country at two weeks old) so I just asked the cleaning guy if I could come in long enough to change her diaper. We got the diaper changed (with a casualty to the adorable gray and pink striped pants, due to a leaky diaper) and headed out to pick up a few things for David's birthday. About 5 steps out into the store, she started to cry again. Usually she doesn't cry for long, so I thought she'd stop in a minute or so...but I was wrong. She's just not a cryer, so since her diaper was clean, I guessed she must be hungry. I'd left the My Brest Friend in the car, but I did have my nursing cover, so I headed back to the restroom, where there was a bench. The bathroom was still closed for cleaning, so I found a chair tucked back into a corner, got out my nursing cover, and got ready to feed the little girl. Just as I was unhooking my nursing tank (well concealed by the cover), a Kohl's employee asked me to move to the restroom. It had finally opened up again, so I obliged...even though I'd already gotten her out of the carseat and gotten myself half-undressed. At least the employee was nice enough to push the stroller into the bathroom for me. Another woman who was headed to the restroom heard the employee ask me to go to the restroom, and that got her all upset. She said, "You're just feeding your baby! It's no different than if you were giving that baby a bottle!" I wanted to say, "Lady, I agree completely, but my nerves are shot and I'll just go in here and sit in the (now clean) bathroom." But I didn't. I just kind of smiled and said, "Oh, it's no big deal." Nursing that wild baby without my nursing pillow (and being covered with the nursing cover) was pretty uncomfortable, but we got the job done! But I'm telling you, I was roasting by the time she was done...I was ready to strip down to my tank top. We didn't spend a whole lot of time browsing for clothes for David...it was more of a quick glance to be sure the size was a Medium, then throw it in the stroller. That's what gift receipts are for, right?! After paying for our purchases, we high-tailed it out of there...and that's when I realized that I didn't have a clue how to fold up the stroller! I fumbled around in the parking lot for about 5 minutes with it and briefly entertained the idea of just leaving it in the parking lot...that's how frazzled I was. I was about 2 seconds away from calling my good friend Leslie to get her to talk me through folding it up when I found the magic button to fold the stroller. As I picked it up to put it in the trunk, the back wheels fell off! I was so frustrated that I just tossed them into the trunk and was thankful that they didn't fall off while I had Campbell in it.
Four hours after we left the house, we were back home safe and sound. I thought to myself about how, a month or so ago, that whole trip would have taken me an hour and a half at the most. Oh, how things have changed! As difficult as the trip was, I'm glad we did it. I was surprised at myself several times over the trip...my patience with Campbell as she cried in the store, my willingness to nurse in public, the fact that I didn't absolutely melt down. It was definitely a learning experience for me, and I figure future trips will go a little more smoothly each time. I'm sure that, before long, I won't think twice about packing her up and taking her somewhere.
Now, just because my baby girl is so darn cute, I'll leave you with a picture. I got this look several times yesterday on our shopping trip...and I can just imagine her saying, "Really, Mom? I've had enough. Let's go back home...this is crazy."